I'm Turning 40 Tomorrow...

image from www.cafepress.com

I really haven't thought of my age a whole lot since I turned 30. I was sure that turning 30 was going to be a tough birthday for me.

It actually ended up being very nice. A neighbor offered to keep our 2 girls and Jon and I ate dinner at the German Outback Steakhouse and went to a great Volksfest and rode rides.

It was a great day.

Even though the kids are growing and getting older, I don't see myself as "old". Sometimes I don't even feel like a grown-up. I mean, I play with the kids. I watch "Glee". I sing karaoke and color with Abby. We swim and goof around and I feel like I can do most of the "kid" things still.

Tomorrow I'll be 40. My body doesn't feel 40, even though it has a few battle scars and a couple more pounds than I'd like. I don't feel "O-L-D".

But, knowing that tomorrow my new age will start with a "4" scares me just a tiny little bit.

Why? I don't really know. There's no reason for it to.

Life at Casa Heffner is pretty good these days. The summer weather is gorgeous, Virginia is lovely (except for the traffic and crazy drivers...), and 9 days out of 10 my job doesn't suck. The kids and Jon are good, and we've seen more of Jon in the last year than we have the rest of his military career!

But being "in my 40's" scares me. In my mind, it's closer to "the end".

Not to be morbid. I am NOWHERE near being ready for the end of this life.

It's not the number itself. It's really hard to explain.

Hopefully tomorrow will be wonderful and I won't feel a bit different........

Arguments

I heard myself in my teenage daughter last night.

"You don't understand. You have no idea what I'm going through."

Oh, honey, I do. But you don't believe me. I was 16 once and thought I knew it all. I thought my mother couldn't possibly understand my life and how hard it was to be 16. I thought my parents were just there to make my life harder than it already was. I said those exact.same.words to my parents. (Well, my mom. No one ever talked that way to my dad. It just wasn't done.)

The only part of your life that I haven't gone through as a teenager is the constant moving. That part sucks. And I wish you didn't have to deal with it. But it's the life that God gave you, and there's a reason why He thought you could handle it. I wish I could explain to you that it sucks for me, too. I don't have best girl friends to hang out with. I don't have someone to cry to (except your dad, but sometimes you need another female...) I hate being the "new girl" too. It's not any easier as an adult. But it has made me stronger. More confident. And I know you don't think so, but it's done that for you, too. I see it in you - you are brave and strong, and you can handle it. I know you can.

I know you think that I don't love you, that all I do is yell at you. I know you think your life is hard. And some of it probably is.

But I don't yell because I like it. I yell to enforce the rules that you (loudly) disagree with. I yell because sometimes I have to be loud in order for people to even hear me at our house and take me seriously at all.

I do love you. We don't hug a lot, because that's not who I am. But I tell you. Maybe I should tell you more. And I am always there for you. It hurts my feelings a lot that you think I'm not.

Maybe you don't know, but I have been crying every night a little bit, too. Thinking about how in one year you will be eighteen and possibly leave home (for college). It's a day I've been dreading since 1994. You will be grown, and I will be replaced with friends, a boyfriend, a new life. You won't need me the way you did.

I don't know what to do. I have never been the mother of a teenage girl before. I don't know what I'm doing, and it probably shows. But I am trying. I'm trying to figure out this new phase of our relationship and how to make it work. It's hard. Some days it sucks.

It reminds me that I am not as young as I feel. I'm not that teenage girl that I see in your eyes. I am the mother now, and I have to figure out how to mother you through the trials that you're dealing with.

I make mistakes. Every.single.day. I wish I was perfect. For you. And for me. But I'm not. I am far, far from perfect. And I will make many more mistakes before I die.

It's a fact of life.

We have to find a way to work through this.

I guess I haven't told you enough.

I love you. I am proud of you. I am lucky to be your mom. And grateful. And honored.

I wish you knew that, but I know that it takes more than words.

I will work on it. I hope you will, too.

I love you more than life. I hope you'll believe it.

The True Meaning of Memorial Day

image courtesy of morewhat.com

It's more than cookouts and a free day off.

It's a moment to remember those who have given the ultimate sacrifice in the name of our country.

We've lost too many Americans to a war-on-terror that I don't fully understand.

On this day, I offer my sincere thanks to those who paid the ultimate price.

As a military spouse, I suppose I think about the reality of a combat death more than the average American.

I hope that ALL Americans take a moment today to remember those who were brave enough to risk their lives for our freedoms.

Fallen servicemembers, you are not forgotten. You live on in the hearts of family and friends, and people (like) me who you never met. People like me who are grateful for your brave service and your commitment to duty.

I remember you this day and give thanks for your life.

Sleep well, fallen servicemembers. Your duty is complete.

"You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart"

Probably my most favorite song lyrics ever come from the song "For Good" from the Broadway musical Wicked:

"So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart. And now, whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend. Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

I cry absolutely every.single.time that I hear this song. It speaks to my heart each and every time I hear it.


A little backstory:


In my life, I have been hurt by people I called friends. I have also hurt people that I had once called friends. I don't consider myself a bad person - I follow the law, I try to help others and be kind, I even wave idiots on in front of me in traffic. Those I have hurt, I hurt by accidental temporary insanity, or by my own insecurities and self-confidence issues, not because I ever wanted to hurt the people in my life.

These "hurts" at a relatively young age have caused me a lifetime of trust issues. I trust almost no one with my secrets. I have never told anyone all of my life's story - each friend gets a little bit.


I don't have a true BFF to share, to laugh, to cry, because I am afraid to give that much power to someone else. It has always hurt me to do so in the past.

I'm rambling...These are all things I have said before. Back to the topic...

Because I have been a military spouse for 17 years, it sometimes feels we have lived the lives of gypsies. We barely have time to unpack and figure out where the good restaurants are, and it's time to pack up and go again. With my seemingly insurmountable trust issues, how can I possibly find a BFF in that short amount of time? One I can trust and share with and really embrace?

The answer, for me, is that most of the time I can't. I don't.

However, I had two very rare opportunities in my military-associated life to find the exception to this rule - living in Germany and living in Hawaii.

I was blessed to meet some lovely ladies (and their families) in both places that have definitely left handprints on my heart.

(Well, in Germany I was also burned by two ladies that I really cared about as friends. I haven't really ever forgiven them for that. I probably should write a blog entry for that one, just to finally let it go...)


But, I did find the closest thing to a BFF that I think I have ever had.


And in Hawaii, we found 'Ohana. More than friends - people to share our lives with.


I miss them in an almost unhealthy way. (Thank goodness for Facebook, which allows to maintain a presence in each other's lives.)


Thank you, Glee (my favorite show) for airing my favorite song last night. It was a beautiful tribute to the power of friendship.


I think I cry when I hear that song because for years I have really needed a friend in my life. Not just a Facebook friend.

No offense meant to any of my current friends. You are my friends and I love you. But I know you all have BFFs that are not me. And that's fine. It just makes me long for one of my own.


Any takers?

Working Out

image courtesy of thegloss.com

So, I have never been much of an athlete. Who am I kidding. I've never been an athlete! The closest I ever got, and this is a stretch, is starting jogging while we lived in Hawaii.

Working out has never been important to me like it should be to everyone. I mean, I have gone through "phases" where I did a workout tape for a few weeks, or had a period of time when the Elliptical machine was a friend instead of an enemy. But I've never been a regular exerciser.

I never put myself first in that way.

As I reach 40 (!), I think I have finally decided that Tiffany deserves 30-45 minutes a day.

Now, they won't be fun minutes. At least, not at first. They will suck.

I hope that after a few weeks I will like it instead of dread it. I hear that that can happen. After all, I really enjoyed jogging in Hawaii. And I was pretty regular at it. I could see that it was making a difference in my physical and mental health, so it made me want to continue.

But here in Northern Viriginia, there are not a lot of places to run near home. And I want the convenience of working out at/near home. At least for now. I still have 3 kids at home and I work full-time, so when I'm not working at my job, I want to be home for them. (Actually, I want to work at home, too, so I can be near them, but that's another post.)

So, the last 2 days I have gotten back on the Elliptical machine in the basement. I realize that it's not the same as running, but it gets my heart rate up, I sweat like a beast, and my legs feel loose when I'm done. Plus, it's a good excuse to watch the Glee episodes on our DVR. And Glee makes those 30-40 minutes go by pretty quick. And, it's a nice mental health workout, too. A way to burn off some stress and be alone. (No one wants to be around me when I'm on that thing, because I turn the TV too loud so it can drown out the elliptical squeaks.)

I want to want to do this everyday, or at least a few days a week. I want to want it to be part of a new lifestyle. I mean, I am still going to eat dessert and probably still drink Diet Coke sometimes, but I want to be a little skinnier. Not a size 2, that's unrealistic. But a couple sizes less than I am now. We eat moderately healthy, but it hasn't been enough for me.

I want to want it so badly. Badly enough that I stick with it.

So, day 3 on the Elliptical today and we'll just go a day at a time. If I can make it a few weeks, I hope to make it forever.

Wish me luck!

Finally...no more rain.

Well, not today at least. The sun is shining and, even though I am stuck in the office, I don't mind. Well, not much anyway.

This job has turned out better than I expected. The first couple of months were tough. I was getting used to going to an office everyday. I had a "manager" that was weird. I mean, really out there. He said and did some things that were questionable in my mind. (Maybe that's why he isn't the manager any more.) I didn't love it here, and I had promised to give myself 6 months here and move on.

Since the new manager came along in March, things are better. This job is flexible for when the kids need me. It allows me to work at home once a week. (I wish it will become more, but for now one day a week is actually fine.) It is challenging, but I'm not on call and I don't have to work evenings or weekends. I love that I can not see my cell phone for a whole day and that I don't jump when it rings, wondering "what does work want now?" My 4 teammates are smart, dedicated people who also like to have fun and laugh to break up the workday-monotony. It isn't exactly like my days at NiSource, but close.

It isn't my dream job. It doesn't pay me millions. But it has exactly what I prayed for - flexibility, proximity to home, decent hours, and decent pay.

I am constantly astounded at God's willingness to hear my prayers and answer them. He gave me what I needed, while I figure out exactly what it is that I want.

In other news, Prom was this past weekend. Alissa looked lovely. Of course I cried when I saw her. She and Jon laughed at my sentimentality. Oh well. Facebook friends can see her photo on my Facebook page or hers.

This weekend means an extra day off, a trip to the hair salon, The Hangover 2, and my favorite chicken wings! The other 4 Heffners have out-of-town plans, and I can't go (long story), so I have decided to make my own plans here. It will go by before I even have a chance to realize that I'm here alone.

I hope you all have a great week, and a fantastic Memorial Day!

It's almost May, and things are starting to get crazy...

image courtesy of Google Images

May is always the busiest month for the Heffner clan. Girl Scouts, birthdays, end of school (or almost), Memorial Day, and warm weather! There's always so much going on, but we sort of like it that way. Who wants to sit around and watch their life pass them by?

Well, this May also brings the year that my second child, Alexandra, becomes a teenager. Yikes. I feel like I was just a teenager yesterday. Where have the years gone?

And, Alissa has Junior Prom. Are you serious? Wasn't my Junior Prom just last week?? I don't feel much older than they are. (Thank goodness that age is just a number.)

We're going shopping for the perfect Prom dress this weekend. Just Alissa and me. You'd think I'd be dreading it, that it would be no fun for me. But, I disagree.

It will be a memory that I will keep in my pocket and hold tight, especially when she's away at college and I'm missing her laugh or wishing she was closer.

Say a prayer, friends, that the perfect dress finds my beautiful Alissa. Prom should be a magical evening for a young lady, and we ladies all know that it starts with the dress...

Happy Weekend!

Are you kidding me?

I received a bill in the mail today for an ER visit I made in JULY 2010. Are you kidding me? It's for $33.19.

Military insurance is strange. Maybe civilian insurance works this way, too, I don't know. When you are away from home and need medical care, you have to call the insurance company for "permission" to be treated and instructions on how to seek treatment in order to avoid being charged for seeking unauthorized treatment. I called the insurance company, got the approvals I needed, and double-confirmed. Since we technically were "in between homes", I even asked about that to make sure I was doing everything I needed to do.

I've been here before. Long story short, a doctor tried to bill me back in 1998 for a $25.00 co-pay that I didn't owe. After a year of calling Tricare, my insurance company, from Germany no less, to straighten it out, my sending a letter to the Rear Admiral of Tricare (at the time) and cc:ing the doctor's office and about 20 other people finally did the trick. All of a sudden the problem was mysteriously resolved and my slate was wiped clean, as it should have always been.

Will it take that again? If it does, I'm ready. These people don't know who they're dealing with. I invented "Bad Cop" and when I am sure that I am right, I will fight until the end of time for myself. It's how I roll.

So I call Tricare today. I start off on the defensive, because I have the evidence that I called back in July and followed all the rules. I say, "I did exactly what I was supposed to do. I don't owe this $33.19. How are you going to help me fix it?" Tricare says the hospital only billed them for xxxx, which clearly explains the $33.19. The rep and I both see it right away. Simple fix.

I see it plain as day. I call the hospital to explain that I don't owe this, and by the way (1) why is this bill NINE MONTHS after the date you treated me, and (2) you are not legally even allowed to bill me. (It's a Tricare thing, apparently.) All you have to do is re-bill my insurance and they will pay. Super easy.

Steve, the jerk at hospital billing says "Why should we re-bill them when we did it right the first time and they didn't pay?" Uhhh, jerk, obviously you didn't because TRICARE WILL PAY if you just re-bill. Idiot. He refuses to re-bill because the insurance will see it as a duplicate and reject it, and I'll still owe that $33.19.

Obviously he has not met me, so he doesn't understand that whether it was a dollar or a freaking million dollars, if I don't technically owe it to you, I will fight you FOR ETERNITY. Seriously, I already fought a similar fight and did not relent for a year. You will lose if you keep messing with me. Actually, you will eventually still lose either way because I don't freaking owe you a dime.

So I call Tricare back to find out what to do next. I don't want to be sent to collections for refusing to pay $33 that I am confident that I don't owe. THey say they are sending a letter to the hospital explaining that if they send an amended bill that Tricare will pay. The rep said she would cc: me on the letter. She says I don't owe, the letter will state that. She says that, yes, it is illegal to bill me, but many people choose not to fight and just pay the doctors to get it overwith. Doctors and hospitals know this, and I'm sure that insurance companies do, too. But most consumers don't.

Again, this lady hasn't met me either so she has no idea that I am in this to win. I explain my previous situation and she says it's no problem, it's not my worry anymore and they will get it worked out.

Of course, I know this means "Call the hospital back and tell them what Tricare has just told me, and make them flag my account so it doesn't go into "past due" mode while these 2 organizations blame each other." I also know it means my part in this fight is not over, despite what she says. I am involved until I see that letter and call the hospital (again) to make sure they re-bill the insurance company.

Don't mess with me when it comes to money. Especially money that I KNOW I don't owe you.

To Be Continued when I receive that ridiculous letter. Stay tuned...

Dang, I've been away from the blog for a long time!

This job has kept me busy. Working away from home has been an adjustment.

The blog, unfortunately, suffered and became my last priority.

I hope to change that today, because I really miss writing about our life. It's healthy, cathartic, and helps me mentally.

I will be back, friends. Soon. Tonight, I hope.

Just need to find a new name for the blog, though. The Heffners haven't been in Hawaii for almost a year now (which is insane. Where has the last year gone?!?!?!)

Talk to you all soon.

What to write?

I've written several posts over the last 2 weeks, but they never made it to the posting stage. When I re-read them, they felt like I was just going through the motions. The posts weren't all there, they were fragments of many thoughts running through my head at any given moment.

Since my last post, I heard back about the job I was offered back in September. The paperwork finally went through. I'll be starting on January 3.

This is great news, although I find myself feeling a little nervous about it all.

I've been working at home for the last 6 years now, until the layoff in May. I was interacting with my teammates and colleagues only via telephone or chat. Working in shorts, or sometimes even my pajamas. Being here when the kids got on the bus, and when they got home.

Everyday.

I was lucky to have that opportunity. I know that, and I tried to appreciate it every day.

Now, I'll start work an hour before Abby goes to school (so she'll attend a before-school program), and get home about 30 minutes after her sisters meet her at the bus stop.

Abby is OK with this. She's excited to see some of her classmates before school, and she doesn't seem nervous at all. She's a brave, independent kid who goes with the flow.

Me, well, I'm another story.

I know she'll be fine. Totally fine. And I will be, too. But, being the worrier that I am, I think about it.

However, I was reminded by an old friend that I should spend more time being thankful and less time sweating about the small stuff.

He's right. And I am tremendously thankful. This is a great opportunity, it's a good-paying job, and it seems like it will be a good fit for my entire family (flexible, good work/life balance, etc.)

That's exactly what I prayed for. So it isn't a work-from-home job. I guess God thinks I don't need to work at home right now. And if that's what He thinks, then that's how it needs to be.

Maybe working in an office is exactly what I need - to get my creative juices flowing again, to get me out of the house more and interacting with other people besides the kids, to change Tiffany up a little bit.

I'm a little nervous, but I'm ready.

Here's to a new beginning - and the hopes that this new job will start 2011 off with a BANG!

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

*image courtesy of www.careerealism.com

Feeling Lost

I am seeing all the comments online about the Extended Unemployment Benefits running out. Everyone has an opinion about those who are currently jobless, and this is mine, as it relates to me.

I do not want to sit around anymore, waiting for my job paperwork to complete. Seriously, what is taking so long? The company says it's normal and that they still are excited to have me join the team. But it's been 5 weeks since I turned that paperwork in. Come on.

I don't like not having a job. The house is quiet, and there's only so much laundry you can do. I want to work, and feel like I am contributing - to the family, to my place of work, to society.

I am still mad at *** for letting me, and all of my teammates, go 6 months ago. I worked hard for that *%$&*( company, I gave more than 100% and ALL my performance reviews were stellar. Why was I rewarded with a layoff notice? I know, everyone tells me - with this company it isn't personal, it's the almighty dollar. So why can't I let it go?

I am constantly struggling with my faith. I am a Christian, who tries every day to do the right thing. I try my best every day. I have a relationship with my God, and I feel I can go to Him with my troubles. But for almost 2 years now I have been praying about this - about losing my job (back when it was still a rumor) and finding a new one that was right for me.

Two years. And I am still jobless. (I know, I am not the only one. There are millions.)

So, I struggle with why? Why doesn't anyone want to hire me, or at least talk to me about hiring me? Why did *** let me go? Why is this prayer that I so desperately need answered being shelved?

I know, patience. It will happen when it's supposed to happen. My head knows it and my heart knows it, too.

It doesn't keep me from hating the situation I'm in, and wondering what else I can do to get my foot in the door somewhere.

I have applied for at least a hundred jobs since we moved here. I think I've had 4 interviews.

I am frustrated. I am crazy with emotion. Mostly, I feel lost. I have never, in 17 years, had to struggle to find a job. Never. This is new territory and I am not handling it well.

I guess that the upside is that, despite my feelings about the job situation or lack thereof, life otherwise is pretty great.

Now if I could just start working already. "Right Job for Tiffany", can you PLEASE hurry up and find me? PLEASE?

Happy Wednesday all.

Alissa got her learner's permit yesterday...

Yesterday I took Alissa to get her learner's permit. She's been talking about it for months, but because of the timing of the move, she couldn't get it when she was 15 1/2.

We've been trying to go for a couple of weeks now, but things keep getting in the way and the place is only open until 5 pm. Plus, the DMV that's practically around the corner is closed indefinitely. So, yesterday we drive to the next-nearest DMV, which is about 7 miles away. However, because traffic is perpetually bad here, it took us about 20 minutes to get there. We still had plenty of time before closing.

We get there, talk to the receptionist and receive a number and wait for that number to be called.

***By the way, is this a new process? Talk to someone and tell them why you're there before you can actually receive assistance? The pharmacy, the deli at the commissary, the vehicle registration place on post all do this now. If this is the new process, at least make sure the person on "Explanation Duty" is cordial. There's nothing like having to explain your case to a grouch.

Anway, we wait patiently for our turn to be called. When we're called, we present our folder of paperwork verifying that Alissa is who she says she is.

HALT!

They don't accept our lease agreement as proof of residency because there is a line crossed out, neatly, and corrected underneath. (It is our owner's new address, which honestly shouldn't count because it has nothing to do with the Heffners.) Anway, they say they can't accept it as proof, so we spend 35 minutes driving home to get a utility bill with my name on it. Because, as Alissa's guardian and partner in this expedition, I also have to prove that I am who I say I am, and that we are allowed to petition for a Virginia license.

We rush back to the DMV, and catch a little traffic (again). Blech. We explain our situation to the new "Explanation Duty" clerk (they must take turns or something) and receive a new number.

We're called fairly quickly, by a new person who takes our new paperwork and enters it into the computer. Five minutes later Alissa is called to the Test Center (a cubicle at the end of the room) where she stands at a computer to take the test. (I can see her standing because they have a mirror on the ceiling so they can make sure the students aren't cheating.) However, I don't understand the no-sitting policy. Weird.

Anyway, 10 minutes later she emerges, and talks to the test attendant to let him know she's done. She turns to me and motions "come here". I know then that she's passed and my eyes start to tear up.

My firstborn is legally allowed to drive. On the road (with a licensed driver).

Every milestone she reaches is also a milestone for me. She's my first child, so every thing she does for the first time I also do. (OK, not everything. But most important "firsts" I am also present for.)

It's bittersweet.

She's a responsible kid. Caring, compassionate, gets decent grades and tries her best. I know she'll be a great driver.

And, as a funny aside, her best friend in the world got her Virginia license yesterday. And, to top it off, Alissa will be eligible to become a licensed driver in 9 months, on August 18. August 18 is that best friend's birthday.

It's a sign. (To me, anyway.) Yesterday was supposed to be the day she got her permit.

And she did.

CONGRATULATIONS, ALISSA!

Shopping for Thanksgiving

Went shopping for stuff for Thanksgiving (and general food for the house)...

Notes of importance:

* For the first time today, ever, I think, I needed two grocery carts in the commissary. TWO! Well, they were small carts. not regular size, I think, and I did get two of just about everything that I put in the cart. Total price, just over $200. For TWO full carts! SCORE!!

* the commissary was INSANE today. Everyone was there. But, I didn't seen anyone in their pajamas and everyone I was in contact with brought their manners with them. Guess people have been reading my lowly blog! :-) Either that, or people are getting into the holiday spirit a little early.

* they had every item on my list. If you've ever been to any commissary, you know that this is a true achievement - to leave the commissary with everything on your list. Truthfully, I'm not sure I've ever done it before.

* I am super excited about cooking for Thanksgiving. I haven't cooked a turkey in like 8 years. It will be nice to have Thanksgiving dinner at home, and Jon's mom and stepdad are coming. Not that I don't love being a guest at someone else's house. And the last 2 years we spent with our 'Ohana, which were blasts. We'll have a fire, and fill our bellies and then just relax. It will be a great day.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Christmas Cards - What are your plans this year?

Yes, it's that time of year - I am thinking about Christmas Cards.

I love choosing what I feel is the "right" card for us each year. This year, I am thinking of personalized cards from Shutterfly. I have ALWAYS wanted to do the cute cards with the kids and personalize them, but I've just never done it. I think this year might be the year. After all, Alissa is getting older and the kids can all sit for a photo session without too much drama or crying, even if it's an impromptu photo session by Mom. Shutterfly doesn't care where your picture came from...

I'm really thinking that I like this card:

Granted, I don't have a baby, but I like the "Believe" in the corner. I guess this card just spoke to me. They have many designs to choose from, and maybe I'll change my mind once I find a picture that will actually be suitable to use for cards... (Check Shutterfly's selection and see which ones you like: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery)

You might even be able to get some cards free: http://bit.ly/sfly2010

I always love receiving cards. But, lately, we've been receiving less and less every year. I guess not everyone shares the giddiness that I feel when I see a card-sized envelope in the mail. Maybe it's because we are so stinking far away from those we love. The cards sometimes feel like a lifeline, like a piece of our loved one is actually there with us.

(Hint hint, if you send the Heffners a card, you are guaranteed to receive a card in return.)

So, I'm off to see if my phone has any great pictures on it. If not, I guess I'll have to get the kids to sit still long enough for a quick photo...

Happy Wednesday!

Thankful - Nov. 10

Today I am thankful that:

* people were less rude and obnoxious in the commissary than usual, and they weren't out of anything that I needed;

* there were no bills in today's mail. I hate getting bills. Actually, I don't really love the mail because it's almost always junk that gets shredded and/or thrown away;

* the person I interviewed with a couple of weeks ago emailed me and asked if she could pass my resume on to a contracting agency that she thinks will want me. A new friend that I met at this past weekend's neighborhood party also emailed me and asked for my resume;

* I had a good laugh this afternoon with my 2 teenagers over a Facebook questionnaire I subjected them to in 2008. It was fun to re-read their responses and we had a good talk about how they've changed in just 2 short years.

Jon doesn't have to work tomorrow and Friday so we're going to have lunch with Abby tomorrow and spend some QT together on Friday before our weekend visitors arrive.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Thanks - November 9

I missed a couple of days because I tried to stay off the computer all weekend.

Today my thanks are frivolous but:

I am thankful that Glee and Sons of Anarchy are on TV and both are new episodes. My two favorite shows, and probably the only 2 I really watch (besides the Disney Channel), are on the same night.

I am also thankful that Alissa and I will be attending a meeting tonight for prospective new VA drivers. Most kids, including me, get their permit the day they turn 15 1/2 and their license right around their 16th birthday. Since she turned 16 inbetween moves, she doesn't have a learner permit.

Yet.

Tonight we're going to get the information we need to change that. More details to come.

(Plus, the rules are a little different here in Virginia and since this is my first almost-driving child, I want to make sure I understand all the rules...)

Happy Tuesday!

Giving Thanks - Nov. 4

I am thankful that I have taught my oldest daughter at least one thing that I didn't know at her age:

that it's ok to stand up for yourself and your beliefs, and you will be ok even if the love affair with the person that you are "in love with" right now is over.

She's going through a teenage breakup (and there's a little ugly backstory) and handling it all like a pro.

When I was a teenager and went through a breakup (and there was more than one), I handled it badly. Crying, thinking low of myself, not eating for days.

She's a champ. I am so proud that she has a moral compass and a sense of right and wrong. And she has confidence in herself and knows that a boy doesn't define her.

And I am thankful that she is the person she is, and that I get to share her life's journey with her.

I am thankful for...

image courtesy of www.squawkfox.com

I think that many of us, myself included, forget to be thankful for...well, everything.

I forget sometimes that even the things that seem smallest are things that we should be most thankful for.

In the month of Giving Thanks, I was inspired by a friend's blog to try to give thanks out loud everyday.

So, today I am thankful for:

* my children. They are sweet, compassionate, fun people who I am grateful to have in my life. They are all healthy and getting decent grades, and they have a moral code and a sense of right and wrong.

* my husband. He doesn't cook or clean as much as I'd like, but he loves me, and supports me, and lifts me up. He is always the optimist to my pessimist, and the voice of calm reason. (And usually he's right - it's not the end of the world after all!)

* my family. We are closer now than we've been in years. All 6 of us. It warms my heart. I am so grateful to be 39 and have parents who are both there, on a moment's notice. Who still love me unconditionally. I'm grateful for my extended family - joined to me by marriage 17 years ago. As I grow older, I appreciate more and more that family is everything. And a quick shout-out: I have the best mother-in-law in the entire world.

* my friends. I have never had a ton of friends, because I am afraid to trust. Someone I trusted and really considered a true friend hurt me DEEPLY, and I have never gotten past it. However, in the last couple of years I have reconnected with high school friends and friends that I haven't seen in a while. I get a lot of support, uplifting, and nice comments from them. I appreciate you all! (And thanks, Facebook, for allowing me to talk to people I haven't seen in a million years!)

* life. Being alive. I am grateful for the journey I am on. No matter the trouble that comes along, there is always sunshine on the horizon. Remembering that is 90% of the battle.

* all the little stuff. A fireplace to warm the chilly Heffner clan. A blog that allows me to "vent". A dishwasher that works. A doctor that finally listens to my concerns and sent my kid to a specialist instead of saying "that's normal..."

* A comment on Facebook that made my day, by a person who will probably never know how she inspires me! She will never know how happy I was that she friended me on Facebook, because I am embarrassed to tell her. But her comments make me feel accepted and happy, and like we're really friends. It means a lot.

There are so many things to name. I'll save some for tomorrow...

But, on a final note, let me reiterate my thankfulness for friends and family. You really mean everything to me. Besides you, everything else in life is just a bonus.

Happy Wednesday!

Commissary Etiquette

I don't know how many military-related folks read this blog. Probably not many.

Before I begin, let me in advance say that this post is not meant to offend any one particular person. My thoughts on this subject are mine alone.

That being said, here goes:

Shopping at the commissary has become a nightmare. Truly. Maybe I am just getting curmudgeonly in my still-pretty-young age and have no patience anymore, but I am flabbergasted at the etiquette in the commissary.

Not just the one that I live near, but the etiquette in most of the commissaries in Hawaii sucks, too. (Hickam AFB Commissary in Hawaii is awesome. Probably the best commissary I've ever been to. Fort Campbell was a great commissary back when we lived there, and the others before that, I can't really remember...)

For those of you not familiar, the commissary is the grocery store on or near a military post. They can offer groceries at lower - sometimes MUCH lower - prices, but you must have a military ID card to shop there.

I don't understand why patrons at the commissary are so rude. They routinely:

* cut in front of you, with or without their cart, without regard to the fact that I might not be able to see them around a corner and accidentally hit them;

* leave their cart, often with a very small child or 2, half an aisle away while they walk to get something they need (that is usually in the direction that their cart is already going.) Where is the sense in that? I would NEVER leave my cart with a child in it. NEVER. I can honestly say that I never leave my cart when there is no child in it.

* stand in the middle of the aisle, looking at coupons, checking their phone, redoing their list, or whatever else they happen to be doing. The commissary is almost always crowded. There are clear "rest areas" in every single commissary that I have ever been in. Even the small ones have places you can stop your cart, out of the way of other shoppers, so that you can tend to other business. They have benches, side areas, and empty spots in every commissary that I have ever been in. In fact, the commissary I go to now is fairly large and there are benches all over the place!

* look at you with the stinkeye for no apparent reason. I am always using my big-girl manners, saying Thank You and Excuse Me and Please in the commissary. It's how I was brought up - "Do Unto Others". I don't understand why people come to the commissary so cranky. I've been to plenty of civilian grocery stores in the past 17 years, and those shoppers are not nearly as cranky.

Oh, and can you please at least change out of your pajamas before going to the store? I don't care if you are tired and have 17 kids under the age of 5 and your husband is deployed and you're 5,000 miles away from family. I've been there, too - all of the above (except the 17 kids part, but sometimes 3 kids can feel like 17).

Have some respect for yourself and at least get dressed for the day. Maybe it will make you less cranky.

One last thing - this rudeness I've only noticed in the commissary patrons. The employees in the commissaries are some of the nicest people I've ever met. Definitely some of the most helpful. And, not every single commissary patron is terrible. But many are.

There, I've said it. If I offended you, it was not my intent. But maybe the next time I go to the commissary, one person will be a little nicer. That's all I'm asking for.

Happy Tuesday!

Rejection...

So, many of you know, I have a job offer from a few weeks ago which I accepted. Right now they're checking my background and making sure I am who I say I am, that there are no skeletons in my closet, etc.... The job offer is conditional on me passing (which I don't foresee as a problem...)

However, I can't officially start working until that's complete. So, last week I was offered an interview at another place that I won't name, just because. I thought, "I'm not officially employed yet. What the heck, why not?"

I went to the interview. I really thought I killed it. You know where this is going by now, but wait for it...

I came away from the interview feeling confident. I could have seen myself at that place. I could have fit in and done a h*ll of a job.

Today I received the dreaded rejection email. The sender was nice, she said I was an "...exceptionally strong candidate..." and that she "...strongly encourage[s] me to continue to apply for similar positions [at this employer] as they become available...". She asked permission to send my resume to other people at this employer, so that I "...would be on their radar screens...".

That all sounds good, and flattering, and encouraging, but all I saw was "I regret to inform you...".

Why?

I guess I don't understand. How I got a different perception of the interview than they did. After the Q&A, I was asked to submit a writing sample, which I also feel that I killed. On the way from room to room, the gentleman escorting me said, "Whichever way this turns out, it was such a pleasure to get to know you today. You seem like a really cool person."

At the time, I was flattered. Perhaps I should have actually taken that as a sign of what was to come.

It all sounds selfish, I know. Being disappointed and feeling sorry for myself. I know times are tough and lots of people are looking for work. It has just always come to easily to me in the past, I suppose I took that for granted. I don't mean to be selfish. I really just want one job. One actual job, that I can actually go to and do a good job.

I don't even know if not getting the job was what bothered me, because I'm not sure it was my "Dream job". (In the interview, the job description was a little different than the one I actually applied for...)

I think what kills me is the rejection itself. Don't people know that I am a hard-working person, who will give my all? Why don't they see it? I thought I sold myself well, and sincerely.

It hurts. It sucks. And I cried about it this morning.

I hate rejection. I want some acceptance, not rejection.

And, to top it off, I've decided that being laid off from IBM this past summer is what has really driven my self-esteem down. I did a h*ll of a job for them for 5 years. I gave them a BIG chunk of my life. And they laid me off for it.

Meanwhile, there are still a couple friends of mine there. Still working from home and still doing the job that I was doing. Another huge blow - why wasn't I good enough?? I don't understand.

Then I remember all the things I've been taught:

1. technically I was offered a job and accepted (at the first place), I'm just impatient that the background stuff isn't done yet;

2. when one door closes, another opens. There IS a reason that the IBM door closed, even if I never find out what that reason is;

3. things happen for a reason. There is a reason that God doesn't think that job was the best for me;

4. that, with faith, good things happen.

It hurts less, but still hurts. So, I'm a little sad today. A little discouraged.

By dinnertime, though, Alissa's not-yet-started Halloween costume will be made (by me), I will have cooked a great dinner for my family, and I will have spent a great 90 minutes dancing with 2nd and 3rd grade Girl Scouts, laughing and forgetting about this one setback.

I will be refreshed and renewed. I will find my determination and perseverance, and I will get back in the ring.

For now, though, just for a few minutes, I want to be sad. I want to be angry at IBM for letting me go. I want to feel the emotions that I have pushed down for 5 months. That I am angry and discouraged and worried that no job will ever want me.

Then I will brush myself off and continue with life.

Happy Halloween everyone. The weekend can only get better from here, right?