Tuesday, February 17, 2009
It's so easy to get bogged down in the minutae of life. The bills, jobs, kids, dishes, daily tasks that seem endless, tedious, mundane. It's so easy to forget to take time to be with the people that mean something to you. I have a very bad habit of knowing that my friends are there, but not remembering to tell them how much they mean to me.
I have always had trouble in the friends department, as long as I can remember. I want everyone to want to be my friend. I am afraid of rejection and disappointment, of not being good enough or PC enough or "... just enough". I forget to remember that it isn't about the number of friends that you can list, but the quality of friendship that you share with each person on your list. It's about feeling good when you're with those friends - not because you feel that they accept you, but because you know it. You see it in their eyes, their laughter, their expressions. You matter to them. There are few better feelings in the world than true, blessed friendship.
When you move as much as we do (or at least as much as the Heffners have over the last 15 years), you meet many people but have such a short window to make friends. Not acquaintances, but people who will find a corner of your heart and nestle there for the long haul. People who you can let find a corner of your heart and settle in. People that you can share your feelings, your days, your stories, and your secrets with. (OK, that last one I'm still working on, but I haven't given up.) It's always been so hard for me to let people into my life knowing that someday we'll have to say goodbye (well, at least in person). It's hard for me to let people into my world, and really let them take this journey with me. Let them see my fears, my hopes, my dreams, and my sorrows. I always worry that those things will end up either hurting me, or driving potential friends away.
For Tania and Nicole, thank you for reminding me why this leg of my life's journey led me to Hawaii and to Paiaha Place. Thank you for your laughter, your tears, your hugs, and for just being there. It is a rare and beautiful thing to find friends who don't just watch your children or loan you a cup of flour, but those who capture your heart and remind you of your blessings, your worth, your happiness.
I had a fantastic time not watching the movie that you chose, Tania (but I'm sorry, too, that we didn't get to watch it). Nicole - I always enjoy conversations with you so much. I think that you are truly one of the greatest storytellers that I have ever heard.
I hope the 3 of us can have another "movie" night very soon! (I just have to remember that I'm getting too old to stay up so late on a school night!) :-)
Thank you ladies, for a blessed ending to an otherwise regular Monday.