The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas. In my humble opinion, the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

My Christmas memories as a child are those of making treks to Sandusky, to see my Grandma and Grandpa and my aunts, uncles and cousins on my mother's side. Laying in the back of my parent's van (long before seat belts and car seats were required) and watching the Christmas lights as we travelled through town. Baking cookies with my mom and sisters, and listening to an Avon Christmas cassette that is still my favorite Christmas music in the world.

I had a good childhood. Christmas was always filled with love, family, togetherness.

When we don't live across an ocean, we are always in Ohio for Christmas. Well, maybe not Christmas Day, but always part of Christmas week. Making that drive from wherever-to-Ohio, usually in the snow and very cold weather. That's the Christmas memories I have collected as an adult.

The past couple of Christmases have been different. We're far from home, and with Jon's work travels, my job insecurity, and 3 kids and all their gear made it just too hard to get home to Ohio.

We're lucky that we have formed an extensive 'second family' here in Hawaii.

I've mentioned it many times in posts in the past. These folks mean such a great deal to us. These families that have come into our lives and hearts. They are families that we won't live near forever, but will forever live in my heart (and hopefully in our lives, even if it's long-distance!)

I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have these families in my life. I know that God knew I would need to meet them, and that's why our Hawaii trip in 2006 fell through and we ended up moving here instead. It was so we could meet these people, invite them into our hearts, and share wonderful experiences that will be my children's childhood Christmas memories.

We're creating memories that my girls may not fully appreciate now, but they will treasure in the years to come.

It feels strange to have a sunburn on Christmas week (as I do), to wear shorts and tank tops when Christmas shopping with the hubby, to sit out on the lawn pulling weeds in December as I bond with a good friend and her new baby. It's a weird feeling to hear my Facebook friends talk about snow shovels and school delays while I tie my shoes and put on my iPod to go jog in the 80-degree heat. This is a surreal life, to live in "'Paradise", even for a short time, and be cut off from things that are normal to us - snowfalls, freeways, Applebee's for goodness sake! (As an aside, I am convinced that McDonald's is considered "fine dining out" here, unless you're in Waikiki.)

But the memories we've made, and will make for the rest of our stay here, are worth it. It stinks to be far from home, far from the people we love the most, and far from the daily events of their lives. But the Army has given us something wonderful to help make up for it:

ADVENTURE.

And lots of it. We've gone places, seen things, that I would never have dreamed I'd experience. I snorkeled with an eel this past Friday, if you can believe that!

As we prepare for our new adventure, sometime in 2010 (God willing, of course), I take this blessed Christmas season to reflect on the memories we've made here in Hawaii. The friends we've found, the adventures we've taken, the challenges (both good and bad).

It's all part of the adventure.

To all of you, from the Heffners, our best wishes for a blessed Christmas and a fabulous 2010!

Where I've Been...

Truthfully, I just took the last few weeks off.

Too much going on. Jon left on extended TDY, my sister came to visit with her husband and new baby boy, and work has got me working overtime, all the time.

Pardon me for a moment while I vent about this job-thing...again. If you decide to stop reading, I won't be offended. But writing it helps me cope.

They now want me to join 4:30 am daily meetings where I can hear (with the other remote folks) how important we are to getting the new people up to speed so that they can be successful at doing our jobs. And, every Thursday (including Thanksgiving), I get paged at 10:30 at night for servers that are spitting out false-positive alerts. That I haven't been able to get fixed, because of the holidays and the red-tape that is required to get a simple task executed.

Yay!

I secretly find myself being ok with this job-ending-thing. Not the being unemployed part. Not the way that the company has done it (forcing people to move or give up their jobs at the company's convenience). But the idea that I won't give my all anymore for a company that just continues to want more, and more often, and for less.

Yes, I work at home. It has been an insane blessing the last 5+ years. That piece I love, and hope and pray that I don't have to give up.

But it gives the company more and more of my time, for free. And I do it, because I am a loyal, hard-worker who likes/liked the company I work for and wanted to give them my best.

It seems like I never turn the computer off. I work, and work, and work. There is always another task that needs to be done right now. I can't even take days off, as there is no one to cover for me. (So many people have already been let go...) When Laurie was here, I worked half days and checked my email every night after her family went to bed.

All that being said, I actually find myself hoping for 2 things:

1. That this company will do the stand-up thing and find positions for those of us who are sticking around until the end. Especially those of us that can't move, even if we wanted to, because we have spouses serving our country and can't/won't separate the family for the sake of a job. (I know this is a dream and too good to be true, but I still hold out hope.)
   
   
2. That, if #1 doesn't happen, that I can at least stay with said company until summer 2010, when I anticipate a move to a new part of the US, where I can go back to contracting, or maybe take a college course or 2, and take my career sights in a new direction.

I hate feeling this way. I have never lost a job before - never been fired, let go, laid off, any of that. It sucks. The insane amount of control that I don't have. That's what gets me the most.

I would have stayed with this company for years and years if they'd let me, until retirement. I would have been loyal until the end. I don't know if I will get that chance.

I have tried giving it to God. Believe me, I try. Every day. I know that God wants me to be patient, that he wants me to let Him help me. I believe whole-heartedly, that He has another plan for me and that He will help me with the job situation because I have asked.

Believe me, I pray everyday. Sometimes several times a day. It's just about all I think about these days. I am wondering if God is sick of hearing my prayer yet. It's like it's been on an endless loop for months.

I don't know what He wants me to do. It's like I can't hear what He's trying to say to me, what He wants me to do to help myself with this situation. I have applied for a few other jobs at this employer, but I can't get past the stupid computer-screening process.

So I wait, and stress. Every day. Waiting for the ball to drop. For them to say they don't need me anymore.

It sucks. That's all there is to it.

But I will continue to pray. I will ask everyday for help. And maybe, God's time will come and I will see the answer that I've been looking for.

If you see it, let me know.