What to write?

I've written several posts over the last 2 weeks, but they never made it to the posting stage. When I re-read them, they felt like I was just going through the motions. The posts weren't all there, they were fragments of many thoughts running through my head at any given moment.

Since my last post, I heard back about the job I was offered back in September. The paperwork finally went through. I'll be starting on January 3.

This is great news, although I find myself feeling a little nervous about it all.

I've been working at home for the last 6 years now, until the layoff in May. I was interacting with my teammates and colleagues only via telephone or chat. Working in shorts, or sometimes even my pajamas. Being here when the kids got on the bus, and when they got home.

Everyday.

I was lucky to have that opportunity. I know that, and I tried to appreciate it every day.

Now, I'll start work an hour before Abby goes to school (so she'll attend a before-school program), and get home about 30 minutes after her sisters meet her at the bus stop.

Abby is OK with this. She's excited to see some of her classmates before school, and she doesn't seem nervous at all. She's a brave, independent kid who goes with the flow.

Me, well, I'm another story.

I know she'll be fine. Totally fine. And I will be, too. But, being the worrier that I am, I think about it.

However, I was reminded by an old friend that I should spend more time being thankful and less time sweating about the small stuff.

He's right. And I am tremendously thankful. This is a great opportunity, it's a good-paying job, and it seems like it will be a good fit for my entire family (flexible, good work/life balance, etc.)

That's exactly what I prayed for. So it isn't a work-from-home job. I guess God thinks I don't need to work at home right now. And if that's what He thinks, then that's how it needs to be.

Maybe working in an office is exactly what I need - to get my creative juices flowing again, to get me out of the house more and interacting with other people besides the kids, to change Tiffany up a little bit.

I'm a little nervous, but I'm ready.

Here's to a new beginning - and the hopes that this new job will start 2011 off with a BANG!

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

*image courtesy of www.careerealism.com

Feeling Lost

I am seeing all the comments online about the Extended Unemployment Benefits running out. Everyone has an opinion about those who are currently jobless, and this is mine, as it relates to me.

I do not want to sit around anymore, waiting for my job paperwork to complete. Seriously, what is taking so long? The company says it's normal and that they still are excited to have me join the team. But it's been 5 weeks since I turned that paperwork in. Come on.

I don't like not having a job. The house is quiet, and there's only so much laundry you can do. I want to work, and feel like I am contributing - to the family, to my place of work, to society.

I am still mad at *** for letting me, and all of my teammates, go 6 months ago. I worked hard for that *%$&*( company, I gave more than 100% and ALL my performance reviews were stellar. Why was I rewarded with a layoff notice? I know, everyone tells me - with this company it isn't personal, it's the almighty dollar. So why can't I let it go?

I am constantly struggling with my faith. I am a Christian, who tries every day to do the right thing. I try my best every day. I have a relationship with my God, and I feel I can go to Him with my troubles. But for almost 2 years now I have been praying about this - about losing my job (back when it was still a rumor) and finding a new one that was right for me.

Two years. And I am still jobless. (I know, I am not the only one. There are millions.)

So, I struggle with why? Why doesn't anyone want to hire me, or at least talk to me about hiring me? Why did *** let me go? Why is this prayer that I so desperately need answered being shelved?

I know, patience. It will happen when it's supposed to happen. My head knows it and my heart knows it, too.

It doesn't keep me from hating the situation I'm in, and wondering what else I can do to get my foot in the door somewhere.

I have applied for at least a hundred jobs since we moved here. I think I've had 4 interviews.

I am frustrated. I am crazy with emotion. Mostly, I feel lost. I have never, in 17 years, had to struggle to find a job. Never. This is new territory and I am not handling it well.

I guess that the upside is that, despite my feelings about the job situation or lack thereof, life otherwise is pretty great.

Now if I could just start working already. "Right Job for Tiffany", can you PLEASE hurry up and find me? PLEASE?

Happy Wednesday all.