Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Moving, Moving, Moving....

So, we're on day 3 of packing and moving. The house is practically empty, except for our small shipment (to go later this week) and all the stuff we have to fit into 8 suitcases. I think the movers will finish today and we'll have tomorrow to reflect on our empty house, the memories, and the plans we've got for the next phase of Casa Heffner. (Not to mention the 2 loads of laundry we've accumulated in the last week and the trips to the dump that need to happen, and picking up school records...I could go on and on...)

It's always strange to me, to see an empty house that we lived in just days before. There's no trace that the Heffners ever called this place their home. No evidence that we loved it here, cared for it like it was our own. We laughed and cried here, had "firsts" here, and made memories.

The reality of this move won't hit for a while because we'll be on an extended vacation for most of July, visiting family and friends and cruising around Hawaii (not in that order...) When we finally get to our destination in early August, and have to live in a hotel and navigate a new place and decide quickly where to live, the reality will hit, and hit hard. No Ms. Tania to bring us brownies, no Willa and Violet asking if the girls can play. No Elena yelling "Levi!" and no Jackson or Matthew giggling at Park Day. No beach down the street or having to take off our shoes to enter the house.

This move is strange in many ways. It's like the old days, where I didn't have the security of a job to bring with me. Where there was a lot of uncertainty - a LOT. But it's better, because we know we made the most of our time here. We saw the sights, we got out of the house at every opportunity, we took advantage of what Hawaii has to offer. We made memories here that all our children will treasure. We made friends that I hope to still be close to, many years from now. After the Army isn't our life anymore and our home is really our home, and not just a stop along the way. We had a really great run here, and as scared as I am about finding a place to live and a decent job, it's time to go.

You have no idea how long we waited for the Army to send us that stupid paper, how we waited for 'permission' to move. But now that it's here, it's much harder than I ever imagined. Harder to say goodbye to a place that is expensive and far from Ohio, but that gave us an amazing 2 1/2 years. A place we may never see again.

So as June moves into July and the world keeps on going, despite my fears about housing and work and the kids getting settled, I am confident that it'll be ok. God never leaves me, especially when I need Him the most. When I can't sleep and all I can think about is "How will we get everything worked out the way we need it to be?" I don't always hear the answer when I am supposed to, but it's there. I feel it. He always knows what I need, and somehow He provides. I am constantly amazed at that. And I strive to be confident that He'll be there again, helping us get settled into our new life.

As the Heffners move from this chapter of our life to another, I hope that you'll stay along for the ride. The blog will change and the posts will be less than normal over the next month or 2, but the new adventures will be chronicled as we get settled and hit the ground running. Stay tuned!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

June 1, 2010

June 1, 2010. My first day of unemployment in over 9 years.

It felt weird, and great, and scary.

In some ways, I feel as though I have let Jon down. This layoff wasn't my fault, it isn't personal, it wasn't anything I did wrong. But I'm not contrbuting to the family finances right now. That doesn't hurt us too much, actually, we're in a good place. But it feels so strange. I feel like I owe it to our family to contribute to our needs.

I have always worked, with the exception of a small window of time in Germany, and I was volunteering then. Jon tells people that I get restless and make the family unhappy when I'm at home too much. I worry that he's right.

I have sent out some resumes, and started the networking process. But since we aren't in our new location yet, that's about all I can do for now.

Yesterday Alissa and I commemorated the first day of unemployment by spending the day together. We ran errands and listened to the "Glee" soundtracks together, and laughed and ate lunch. I treasure these small moments with her, and it reminds me of times that I spent with my mom at her age. When she's not in a teenager mood, she is fun and fabulous to be around.

Today I file for unemployment and Alissa and I hit the beach. I want to chill out and forget that I'm upset with IBM and not think about "how and when am I gonna get another job"?

Just for today, I am letting God handle the worry for me. I need a break. And although I'm not sure I deserve one - I mean, I am pretty tough on myself - I am taking a break with Alissa and getting out of this house for a while.

In fact, I hear her moving around upstairs so I bet she'll come down momentarily, in her skinny strapless bathingsuit and wonder if I'm ready to hit the beach.

"Coming, Alissa..."