This will sound like a really strange post. But I needed to write it down. (After re-reading, it feels so good to have it in print...)
I have been going through a trial over the last couple of weeks, and trying to figure out how to better hear God's words when I am speaking to Him. Without going into too much detail, I like to pray out loud. Almost always it's either in the car, or when the kids are at school, so I can speak out loud (as if God were sitting across the table from me.) When I pray, I usually get a "sign" from Him. It is unmistakable, and I always get the same sign. That's how I know that we're having a conversation, or that He agrees with me, or that "everything will be ok". It's basically a universal sign from Him to me that puts me at peace when we talk.
Well, for the last couple of weeks I have not seen that sign at all when I pray. It started to scare me - a LOT. At one point, I really felt worried that I was doing something wrong, and that God and I had lost our connection temporarily.
Well, today, the trial is still there, but with a great friend's help, and many, many prayers from friends, I have learned that I am worthy and that I should give my trial to God to handle. So I did. I told Him that I would try to give it to Him and that whatever the outcome was, I was sure that it would be OK because it would be His will.
And, the sign came back!! Tears of joy dripped down my face, as I realized that we were connected once more.
This is an absolutely true story. It was as if He was waiting for me to say those exact words. And, though my faith was never lost during these last couple of weeks, I did have some lingering doubt about whether the prayer that I was asking for was "the right prayer". I have always struggled with asking God for things that seem trivial to others. And, although this recent request is not trivial in my opinion, I still felt that maybe it wasn't something that I should be asking for. My friend reassured me that He knows what's in my heart.
So, after the sign came back, Alissa and I went out shopping for a birthday present for one of our dear friends. (Alissa is on break from school this week.) As we ate lunch at the Navy Exchange Food Court, I noticed a man sitting behind Alissa.
This man looked EXACTLY like my grandpa (my dad's dad). I mean EXACTLY: the moustache, the white hair, combed the same way, the same glasses, the same body, the same everything. They could have been twins. I couldn't help but look at him repeatedly. (I'm sure he probably either didn't notice or dismissed me as an idiot.)
My dad's dad was a great person, at least in my opinion. And, every time I saw him, he spoke the same words: "There's Grampap's Baby!". (He said this up until his death, and I was 18 at the time.) He always made me feel wonderful, and everytime I saw him he seemed so happy to see me. It is a phrase that, some days, I still long to hear. Though I don't remember those early days, my mom tells me that we had a special bond in my first few years of life. I wish that I could remember.
Seeing this man, I am sure, was a sign of some sort. I don't know what the sign was meant to say, or why. But it was there.
Thank you God! I know you are trying to tell me something, and although I don't know what it is just yet, I am so glad our communication lines are restored. Amen!!
And to my grandpa, I miss you every day, even after 20 years. Thank you for being here today.