June 1, 2010

June 1, 2010. My first day of unemployment in over 9 years.

It felt weird, and great, and scary.

In some ways, I feel as though I have let Jon down. This layoff wasn't my fault, it isn't personal, it wasn't anything I did wrong. But I'm not contrbuting to the family finances right now. That doesn't hurt us too much, actually, we're in a good place. But it feels so strange. I feel like I owe it to our family to contribute to our needs.

I have always worked, with the exception of a small window of time in Germany, and I was volunteering then. Jon tells people that I get restless and make the family unhappy when I'm at home too much. I worry that he's right.

I have sent out some resumes, and started the networking process. But since we aren't in our new location yet, that's about all I can do for now.

Yesterday Alissa and I commemorated the first day of unemployment by spending the day together. We ran errands and listened to the "Glee" soundtracks together, and laughed and ate lunch. I treasure these small moments with her, and it reminds me of times that I spent with my mom at her age. When she's not in a teenager mood, she is fun and fabulous to be around.

Today I file for unemployment and Alissa and I hit the beach. I want to chill out and forget that I'm upset with IBM and not think about "how and when am I gonna get another job"?

Just for today, I am letting God handle the worry for me. I need a break. And although I'm not sure I deserve one - I mean, I am pretty tough on myself - I am taking a break with Alissa and getting out of this house for a while.

In fact, I hear her moving around upstairs so I bet she'll come down momentarily, in her skinny strapless bathingsuit and wonder if I'm ready to hit the beach.

"Coming, Alissa..."