Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Feeling Lost

I am seeing all the comments online about the Extended Unemployment Benefits running out. Everyone has an opinion about those who are currently jobless, and this is mine, as it relates to me.

I do not want to sit around anymore, waiting for my job paperwork to complete. Seriously, what is taking so long? The company says it's normal and that they still are excited to have me join the team. But it's been 5 weeks since I turned that paperwork in. Come on.

I don't like not having a job. The house is quiet, and there's only so much laundry you can do. I want to work, and feel like I am contributing - to the family, to my place of work, to society.

I am still mad at *** for letting me, and all of my teammates, go 6 months ago. I worked hard for that *%$&*( company, I gave more than 100% and ALL my performance reviews were stellar. Why was I rewarded with a layoff notice? I know, everyone tells me - with this company it isn't personal, it's the almighty dollar. So why can't I let it go?

I am constantly struggling with my faith. I am a Christian, who tries every day to do the right thing. I try my best every day. I have a relationship with my God, and I feel I can go to Him with my troubles. But for almost 2 years now I have been praying about this - about losing my job (back when it was still a rumor) and finding a new one that was right for me.

Two years. And I am still jobless. (I know, I am not the only one. There are millions.)

So, I struggle with why? Why doesn't anyone want to hire me, or at least talk to me about hiring me? Why did *** let me go? Why is this prayer that I so desperately need answered being shelved?

I know, patience. It will happen when it's supposed to happen. My head knows it and my heart knows it, too.

It doesn't keep me from hating the situation I'm in, and wondering what else I can do to get my foot in the door somewhere.

I have applied for at least a hundred jobs since we moved here. I think I've had 4 interviews.

I am frustrated. I am crazy with emotion. Mostly, I feel lost. I have never, in 17 years, had to struggle to find a job. Never. This is new territory and I am not handling it well.

I guess that the upside is that, despite my feelings about the job situation or lack thereof, life otherwise is pretty great.

Now if I could just start working already. "Right Job for Tiffany", can you PLEASE hurry up and find me? PLEASE?

Happy Wednesday all.

4 comments:

Jessica @ {Mis}Adventures of an Army Wife said...

*hugs* I'm on unemployment right now due to PCSing. I had someone tell me that they'd love to be unemployed and to "just sit around all day". Grrr. I told her I would trade her places at any time!

Emily's Going Nuts said...

You'll find something! It takes a loooooong time these days, unfortunately. But you WILL find something!!

Cindy said...

I myself am in a very weird position, I am in a I hate jim's dead end job. Our pay sucks, and he works harder then anyone I know. Last week he went in at 5:30 and got home at 9:30. Yesterday while the rest of the company was off, he was at work until 6 fixing something that someone else slacked on and should have been done months ago. It was paperwork for his next promotion. I pray that one day we can afford a house big enough for all of us, is that too much to ask? It breaks my heart when we visit people and my kids say wow Mom we need this house it would fit us all.

I try and remember that when millions have no icome, my husband is employed. When millions are without health insurance, we have great coverage. I know it doesn't make things better, but it makes them seem not "as bad".

Jen said...

Thanks for your comment! I was pretty shocked somebody would say that as well!