Back to School tomorrow and other thoughts for today...

The 2 younger kids finally go back to school tomorrow. They've been on break since December 18. YIKES! The Hawaii school system is horrible, and weird, and unlike anything we've ever been exposed to. The kids are on a track system, so they're in school for 8 weeks, then break for 3. Well, the grading period ended on December 18 so their "break" falls in line with Christmas break.

That means 5 weeks off - in a row - and it's not even summertime. (Alissa's school is on a traditional calendar, so thank goodness she is not exposed to this madness.)

I love these girls but it's time for them to go back to school. They're starting to bicker, and quite frankly they're getting bored. I like being here alone to work, and not have to listen to SpongeBob on the TV or girls fighting about whose turn it is to play on the Wii or with that Barbie or who was last to leave the room and needs to turn the light off. While I love having the house full of little girls (both mine and the neighbors'), I am tired of cleaning up or reminding little girls to clean up.

Bottom line, if you're ever finding that you have the opportunity to live in Hawaii, really take time explore other alternatives to the public school system. There's an excellent homeschool program here that I almost wish I would have tried, much to Alissa's dismay.

Meanwhile, Jon's mom and stepdad are here. It's been nice and relaxing, and we've spent a lot of time laughing. I think once the kids are all back in school tomorrow, they will start to venture out for more sightseeing, but for now they are content to live our everyday lives with us. It makes me sad that Jon is so far away and can't be here for any of the visit. I am even sadder that we can't go away for his birthday like I wanted, because (1) he won't be here for it, and (2) they'll be gone by the time he gets back and unable to take the kids for a night or 2.

What I wouldn't give for a night/weekend away, alone, just the 2 of us. We really could use that. Not that we're in a bad place or anything like that, but with him travelling so much, and our busy everyday lives compounding things, we don't get too many date nights, let alone time away by ourselves. I think the last time we did that was house-hunting in 2004. (NOTE: If there are any volunteers to take the kids for a day or 2 this summer, let me know....We'll be house-hunting again, wherever we end up.)

I haven't been running since the in-laws have been here. But surprisingly, I know I've lost a couple of pounds. I can tell by the way my pants fit. We've been eating healthy, and eating less. (Although we did have Peanut Butter Pie for dessert last night...)

I gotta get out to run today. There's no excuse. And, I need to spend some time alone. I miss that hour a day to myself. I miss my daily date with Chris Daughtry and Will Schuester ("Glee").

There's no "alone time" when I'm here. Someone under 18 always seems to need my help/attention/advice. One of the many side effects of military life. The girls and I are so close, they don't want to go to anyone else for help except me. It's a wonderful blessing, having such a close relationship with them. But it's also difficult, because I am always reminding them that Dad/Grandma/Grandpa/Ms. Tania/Ms. Nicole/their sister/etc. can help too, especially if that person is standing right beside them.

Well, back to the grind. No new news on the job/move. You all will definitely know if something changes...

Happy Monday!

A New Year Begins...

photo courtesy of www.mediabistro.com

So, 2010 is here. I'm not ready.

2010 is bringing a lot of changes to the Heffner household.

For starters, I am begging for a PCS move. Yes, I did the same thing when it was time to leave Germany. Yes, years later I long to re-visit that place and I also realize that we didn't take full advantage of our time there.

I'm sure the same thing will probably happen with this tour - we'll miss Hawaii when we leave. Except that we have taken advantage of our time here. Our copy of "O'ahu Revealed", which I highly recommend to anyone visiting this island, is bookmarked, worn, written in, highlighted, and water-stained.

We've seen and done so many cool things here. It's hard to choose our favorites! But, I'm ready to head back to the mainland. It's time.

Second, I hope to see Jon promoted to Lieutenant Colonel.

He's worked hard for this honor, and I hope that the Army Promotion Board sees what I see and rewards him. The board meets next month, so I've added it to the prayer list.

Third, Alissa will turn 16. Sixteen!! Am I old enough to have a sixteen year old??? Most days I don't feel much older than that myself. Don't worry, though, Alissa does her best to remind me that I am routinely uncool, un-hip, and couldn't possibly know what she's going through. Alissa will start to drive this year. (Don't worry, that won't happen until we leave this crazy state and its "Drive With Aloha" ridiculosity.)

Fourth, my career will change. Even if I get to stay with IBM, which is my true hope, I will not be on the same team that I am now. The team itself has already moved, changed names, changed management, and changed the way it runs. I am a "legacy team member", still around until they decide that they don't need me anymore. I hope that some of the networking I've done works out, but rest assured that the job I have now probably won't last for the full year.

And fifth, with the PCS move, we'll have a new place to live, new schools, a new town, new neighbors, and we'll all be the "new kid" again. Jon thinks this could be our last move before retirement. Since he has less than 5 years left, we could conceivably stay in the new place for all of that time, and then move one last time - for good - when he retires. (I said "could", so please don't read anything into that. It's just a statement right now...)

Wow, a lot of stuff is scheduled to happen this year.

Maybe I am ready after all. I think that one of the many things that Army life has taught me, besides profound independence, is the ability to handle change, and lots of it, all at the same time.

This isn't our first trip to Crazytown, and we know what we need to do to prepare ourselves for the journey ahead. There will be bumps, but we've got our battle gear on and our training manuals open.

Most importantly, we've asked God for help. And He's listening. (I can't always hear his cheers, but I know he's rooting for our team.)

So, as our life prepares to change again, stay tuned. And you might want to get your battle gear ready, too. It's better to be prepared for whatever is ahead.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas. In my humble opinion, the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

My Christmas memories as a child are those of making treks to Sandusky, to see my Grandma and Grandpa and my aunts, uncles and cousins on my mother's side. Laying in the back of my parent's van (long before seat belts and car seats were required) and watching the Christmas lights as we travelled through town. Baking cookies with my mom and sisters, and listening to an Avon Christmas cassette that is still my favorite Christmas music in the world.

I had a good childhood. Christmas was always filled with love, family, togetherness.

When we don't live across an ocean, we are always in Ohio for Christmas. Well, maybe not Christmas Day, but always part of Christmas week. Making that drive from wherever-to-Ohio, usually in the snow and very cold weather. That's the Christmas memories I have collected as an adult.

The past couple of Christmases have been different. We're far from home, and with Jon's work travels, my job insecurity, and 3 kids and all their gear made it just too hard to get home to Ohio.

We're lucky that we have formed an extensive 'second family' here in Hawaii.

I've mentioned it many times in posts in the past. These folks mean such a great deal to us. These families that have come into our lives and hearts. They are families that we won't live near forever, but will forever live in my heart (and hopefully in our lives, even if it's long-distance!)

I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have these families in my life. I know that God knew I would need to meet them, and that's why our Hawaii trip in 2006 fell through and we ended up moving here instead. It was so we could meet these people, invite them into our hearts, and share wonderful experiences that will be my children's childhood Christmas memories.

We're creating memories that my girls may not fully appreciate now, but they will treasure in the years to come.

It feels strange to have a sunburn on Christmas week (as I do), to wear shorts and tank tops when Christmas shopping with the hubby, to sit out on the lawn pulling weeds in December as I bond with a good friend and her new baby. It's a weird feeling to hear my Facebook friends talk about snow shovels and school delays while I tie my shoes and put on my iPod to go jog in the 80-degree heat. This is a surreal life, to live in "'Paradise", even for a short time, and be cut off from things that are normal to us - snowfalls, freeways, Applebee's for goodness sake! (As an aside, I am convinced that McDonald's is considered "fine dining out" here, unless you're in Waikiki.)

But the memories we've made, and will make for the rest of our stay here, are worth it. It stinks to be far from home, far from the people we love the most, and far from the daily events of their lives. But the Army has given us something wonderful to help make up for it:

ADVENTURE.

And lots of it. We've gone places, seen things, that I would never have dreamed I'd experience. I snorkeled with an eel this past Friday, if you can believe that!

As we prepare for our new adventure, sometime in 2010 (God willing, of course), I take this blessed Christmas season to reflect on the memories we've made here in Hawaii. The friends we've found, the adventures we've taken, the challenges (both good and bad).

It's all part of the adventure.

To all of you, from the Heffners, our best wishes for a blessed Christmas and a fabulous 2010!

Where I've Been...

Truthfully, I just took the last few weeks off.

Too much going on. Jon left on extended TDY, my sister came to visit with her husband and new baby boy, and work has got me working overtime, all the time.

Pardon me for a moment while I vent about this job-thing...again. If you decide to stop reading, I won't be offended. But writing it helps me cope.

They now want me to join 4:30 am daily meetings where I can hear (with the other remote folks) how important we are to getting the new people up to speed so that they can be successful at doing our jobs. And, every Thursday (including Thanksgiving), I get paged at 10:30 at night for servers that are spitting out false-positive alerts. That I haven't been able to get fixed, because of the holidays and the red-tape that is required to get a simple task executed.

Yay!

I secretly find myself being ok with this job-ending-thing. Not the being unemployed part. Not the way that the company has done it (forcing people to move or give up their jobs at the company's convenience). But the idea that I won't give my all anymore for a company that just continues to want more, and more often, and for less.

Yes, I work at home. It has been an insane blessing the last 5+ years. That piece I love, and hope and pray that I don't have to give up.

But it gives the company more and more of my time, for free. And I do it, because I am a loyal, hard-worker who likes/liked the company I work for and wanted to give them my best.

It seems like I never turn the computer off. I work, and work, and work. There is always another task that needs to be done right now. I can't even take days off, as there is no one to cover for me. (So many people have already been let go...) When Laurie was here, I worked half days and checked my email every night after her family went to bed.

All that being said, I actually find myself hoping for 2 things:

1. That this company will do the stand-up thing and find positions for those of us who are sticking around until the end. Especially those of us that can't move, even if we wanted to, because we have spouses serving our country and can't/won't separate the family for the sake of a job. (I know this is a dream and too good to be true, but I still hold out hope.)
   
   
2. That, if #1 doesn't happen, that I can at least stay with said company until summer 2010, when I anticipate a move to a new part of the US, where I can go back to contracting, or maybe take a college course or 2, and take my career sights in a new direction.

I hate feeling this way. I have never lost a job before - never been fired, let go, laid off, any of that. It sucks. The insane amount of control that I don't have. That's what gets me the most.

I would have stayed with this company for years and years if they'd let me, until retirement. I would have been loyal until the end. I don't know if I will get that chance.

I have tried giving it to God. Believe me, I try. Every day. I know that God wants me to be patient, that he wants me to let Him help me. I believe whole-heartedly, that He has another plan for me and that He will help me with the job situation because I have asked.

Believe me, I pray everyday. Sometimes several times a day. It's just about all I think about these days. I am wondering if God is sick of hearing my prayer yet. It's like it's been on an endless loop for months.

I don't know what He wants me to do. It's like I can't hear what He's trying to say to me, what He wants me to do to help myself with this situation. I have applied for a few other jobs at this employer, but I can't get past the stupid computer-screening process.

So I wait, and stress. Every day. Waiting for the ball to drop. For them to say they don't need me anymore.

It sucks. That's all there is to it.

But I will continue to pray. I will ask everyday for help. And maybe, God's time will come and I will see the answer that I've been looking for.

If you see it, let me know.

Thank a Veteran (or their spouse) today

Veteran's Day has a new meaning for me this year. Rebecca lost her husband just over 2 weeks ago. It makes the sacrifice our troops make that much more real.

My heart aches for her. I worry about her every day. I wonder how she finds the strength everyday to just get out of bed (if she even sleeps.) Rebecca is a strong lady, very independent. But there is no way to prepare for losing your spouse unexpectedly. I mean, you can make up wills, buy life insurance, talk about the "what-ifs".

But you can't prepare for the feelings that come with losing the person that you love most in the entire world.

Veteran's Day is a day to honor those who have and currently do serve our country, risking their life everyday for our way of life.

We all saw the commercials a few years back, during the Superbowl, I think. The one with the servicemen walking in line in the airport. People stopped to clap for them, and they all smiled a faint smile. How wonderful to know that you are risking your life everyday, your marriage, time with your family, and that someone else is grateful for that?? That your country believes the same things that you do, and appreciates that you stand up for the beliefs of many!

And at my friend's funeral last week, hundreds of people lined the streets of his hometown, waving American flags proudly as his body made way to its final resting place.

Please take time to thank a veteran, a military spouse, or a widow/er for the sacrifices they make for us. A simple "thank you" means more that you can ever imagine.

This blog has done wonders for me...

I don't know about you readers, but having this blog for almost 2 years really has been a blessing for me. To be able to share my thoughts, stories and photographs is wonderful.

The blog really started as a way to keep in touch with our extended families when we moved to Hawaii. I know that they miss seeing the kids as often as they used to, and this gives us a way to share our Hawaii adventures and keep them involved in the kids' lives.

But it became more than that. It was also a way for me to vent. To share my frustrations. Not to bring people into my issues, but just to put them on paper, so that I could see them and decide what to do about them.

You all know that my job is a great source of concern right now. Blogging about it has given me some peace. While I know that things are going to change, whether I like it or not, having a way to talk about these things helps me get through them.

And losing our friend in Iraq late last month. I struggled with that for days, trying to sort it out in my head. I still struggle with it. Everyday I pray for my friend - that she will have the strength to get through this sadness and the changes that will happen in her life. I worry about her. I know what everyone says - that there's a reason, that God needed him, that there's a plan bigger than our understanding.

Sometimes those explanations aren't enough.

And, since I couldn't reach Jon when it happened, I hoped that he would at least be able to see the blog and know that someone we knew personally and cared about gave their life for our country.

Thanks, readers. I know there aren't many of you. But thank you for listening. When you are far from home like I am, sometimes the blog can be your best friend.

Please continue to bear with me. The next few months will be crazy with Jon's travel, visitors, the holidays, and then the plan to move.

Thanks for being there.

Days of Old...

Alissa's working on a project about herself for school. As an aside, I don't understand why 10th graders are doing projects on themselves. What are they supposed to be learning - how to scrapbook? How to color, cut, paste? I don't think it's a worthwhile project, I think it's a waste of a 10th grader's time. (Another reason for us to move this summer, the high school here is just ridiculous.)

Anyway, for this project, Alissa needed pictures of herself from the past. Thankfully, we didn't leave our pictures in storage in Tennessee. The girls and I dragged out 8 boxes of photographs and proceeded to pour through them.

Boy did the memories pile in! Pictures I really hadn't looked at in years. Memories that were still in my heart and mind, but that hadn't been visited in a long time. Pictures of Alex and Alissa as babies. It's hard for me to remember some of those times, but seeing them in print brings the memories flooding back.

And wait until you see this picture of Alex. Abby was convinced that it was her - especially since she just wore that same dress last week! If I didn't know better, as their mother, I would easily mistake it for Abby as well. (I'll post some more of the old pictures later today...)

The major differences are Alex's bangs and the fact that Alex and Abby have different eyes. As a smaller child, Alex always had those dark circles under her eyes that Abby never had. (They seemed to have gone away as Alex has gotten older...)

I say this in practically every post, I guess because I am just dumbfounded. I don't feel any older, but my children are growing and blossoming before my eyes.

Too quickly.

I don't feel ready. I'm not ready for them to be young ladies. I'm not ready for them to not need me as much anymore.

I'm not ready for Alissa to be a grown-up. That happens in just 3 short years.

It's selfish. And I'm dealing with that. I will be as ready as I can be when the time comes.

Seeing these pictures makes me grateful for the family I have. Jon, the girls, and our extended families.

Family is everything. I'm so glad that I have never forgotten that, no matter what else has come our way.