The sunset at Ko Olina, December 2009
I look at my blog, meaning to update it more. I really love writing, and writing about my life especially. It's so cathartic to me, to put things down on paper. To express the feelings I have inside.
But life gets in the way, and all the things that have to get done at Casa Heffner on a daily basis. I just can't get to it as often as I'd like.
This week, no really new news, I suppose. Alissa informed me in the car yesterday that class elections are this week. So her replacement will be chosen. She knows both of the people running, and if she has a preference she hasn't told me. I think this Class President experience has really changed her. She has been so busy this year, with meetings and planning and all that on top of her schoolwork. I am proud of her, and I tell her that. She told me she doesn't think she'd run again even if we were going to be here another year, because, in her words: "...11th and 12th grade are when I really need to be working on getting ready for college and I'm not sure I could do that and handle Presidential duties at the same time...". She's a smart girl in many ways.
I have noticed that Alex is starting to "blossom". Not really in "that" sense, just that she is becoming more of a young lady. She is more into daily hygiene - washing her face and caring about her appearance - and she's starting to lose some of that "kid" look. I looked at her this morning in the car, in the rear view mirror, and I thought to myself, "Her hair looks so pretty today." She hasn't really changed it, except for a trim about 6 weeks ago. But it's shinier and healthier, and her face has changed. It's not really describable, and I don't mean this as a judgement of any kind. It's just an observation. She's changing.
I remember Alissa going through that same thing, but for some reason Alex's change is affecting me. Is it possible that I now have 2 daughters who are young ladies?? I can barely believe my eyes. My heart already worries for the day that they won't be here, living in the house with us. How do parents do it? How do they let their children grow up and move on? I hope that, 2 years from now, when the time comes for Alissa to go to college, that I have the strength to make it through that day.
And Abby, the baby. Well, she's almost 7. Hardly a baby, though she will always be mine. I can't believe that there was ever a time when she wasn't here in our house, in our lives. She is such a smart, sweet, polite kid. And I see the 3 of them interacting together and I count my blessings. What a lucky mom I am.
There has been an influx of babies in our lives over the past year. A lot of our Ohana here is younger than I am, and are still having babies. When I hold my friends' babies, I remember that feeling. Having someone so small in your house. Smelling their smell and hearing that baby giggle. You know the one I mean, the one that starts in their tummy and gurgles all the way up. A friend of ours has a son who recently celebrated his first birthday. That boy is a true delight. The happiest baby I have ever met. To get to be a small, small part of his life is a sweet blessing. And when I see him and pick him up, and he kisses my cheek - you know, the slobbery, open-mouth baby kiss that all moms adore - I cry a little inside. Cries of happiness. That I get to have that with this little person. For a while. What a lucky girl I am.
Jon is good. Life is getting back to normal. Well, our version of normal. We've become so accustomed to the travels that it's easy to get back to life when Jon leaves and when he comes home. It's like our life has 2 versions - one with Dad here and one with Dad gone. We've gotten so used to flipping back and forth that it has become part of who we are.
Work is still the same. Still waiting to hear what my fate will be. A former manager IMed me yesterday, and he said "no news is good news, right?". My reply: "I have given it to God and I'm sure that when the time is right, something wonderful will happen." And I meant it. For the first time in my life, ever, I have truly given it to God. Several weeks ago, when I said I would. And I have. I don't let it rule my life. And I'm happy with that choice. It'll be OK. God is good, and He's been so great to me. I have no reason to believe that things won't be OK for us.
I ran 3.2 miles yesterday. Not exactly world news, but a big deal to me nonetheless. I celebrate every time I run, jog, or jog/walk. It is something I never intended to do or like, but I do it and I like it. A friend of mine calls running her "salve". The thing that smoothes out her edges. I guess for me it is too, a little bit. It's a hobby I never, ever thought I would try, let alone enjoy. An unexpected blessing of this life here in paradise.
And, finally no news on the move. We know we'll move, we both want it, and the Army knows we want it. They've expressed their approval. We just don't have the specifics yet...
Oh well, there's plenty to do here without worrying about that. I have made my 2010 resolution to worry a speck less, whenever I can. A speck is all I can manage, but so far it's working.