Monday, March 1, 2010

Well, it happened...

I intended to write today about the "tsunami-that-wasn't" scare that we had on Saturday. I will still write that post, but for now I am consumed with the fact that "it" happened.

My job gave me the heave-ho today. Well, me and a few hundred others.

I knew it was coming. I knew. And I have 30 days to find a miracle reprieve. Another job in the same company. I've been looking for a year. These next 30 days aren't going to bring a miracle. At least not at that company!

I have people there who care about my future and support me. People who will be references in the future.

But it doesn't change the heartache I feel. Not about the company itself, though. Just that I have never been let go - not fired, not laid off. It sucks. I feel like a failure and like a deadbeat. Like I wasn't good enough.

It's all about money and the bottom line. I know in my heart I gave my all. I don't think it's personal. But it still hurts. A lot.

I worry most that I won't be marketable somewhere else. I have skills, but some that I haven't used in several years. I worry that no one else will see my worth.

I guess that's all I have to say. I have been crying for an hour and I guess I just am done with that for now. I will probably cry all day, and for the foreseeable future, but mostly because I hate the unknown. And my job future is unknown.

Besides my crappy employer and my pending unemployment, life is awesome. Truthfully. Had a fantastic weekend and spent it with my dearest friends here on the island. It was such a fun time.

You can expect my tsunami post soon. Now that I will have a lot more time on my hands. (At least now I have more time to improve my running!)


Krysti said...

You are the same incredibly intelligent and awesome person you have always been.

You've been an exemplary employee and have provided a great deal to keep the remaining team moving at the old job. You should have no regrets. You will be missed by your colleagues! Probably the boss too...

Nothing is ever easy and rejection at any stage of life is never painless.

You have so many talents to share. It's just finding the right niche! Patience and God will reveal the plan. I realize He could share the information slightly more quickly....

Love, Jon's Sister

ROSA said...

a volte è difficile trovare le parole per trasmettere la forza vedrai che qualcosa di buono accadrà ti abbraccio nella speranza che tu possa risolvere i tuoi problemi ciao Rosa dall' Italia.