Last week, I was asked to start training my replacements. Yuck. I have spent all week training them, writing "how-to" documents for them, thinking about all the stuff I do and figuring out how to explain that to someone with 90% less knowledge of the environment and the products than me, and whose native language is not English. I have written over 20 documents for them. Documents that I am proud of. I hope they help.
My current corporation keeps rejecting my applications for other positions within the Global Services organization. I had heard that this happens - my doomed friends say that the same thing's been happening to them, too... they "lock out" positions when there's been a layoff. I don't know what will happen. I worry about that (yes, same old song - I've been worrying a lot.) My head knows it will be OK, but my heart worries. What is meant to be will be, I keep reminding myself. Sometimes I think maybe I should just apply at Target...But then I remind myself that I have a degree in IT and that someone will see that and want to hire me. Someone will. Gotta have more confidence. I ask God for it all the time.
I went scuba diving off a boat with Jon and our friend Deanna last Thursday. This was probably my last major issue in the scuba-diving apprehension I had harbored. Some of you may recall that I went out on a boat with Jon last May. I donned the gear, I rode the boat out many yards from shore, and I jumped in the water. I couldn't do any more than that.
Well, Thursday I conquered that fear. I went down 61 feet! I saw some beautiful sights. The biggest eel I could ever imagine. (He was so large that it looked like he was stuck in the nook he'd been hiding in.) A pipe covered over with coral and sea life. A thorny cowfish. Many beautiful yellow fish (that I don't by name). I stayed calm, I enjoyed the peace, the beauty, the majesty, the unbelievable world out there in the water. If you are friends with Jon on Facebook, you can check out his pictures there. (I'm not at the picture-taking step yet.)
Saturday, Jon left (again). At least it's just a week this time. I missed him even before he left! It seems that, in my opinion, we are at the best place in our marriage. I mean, we've never been on the verge of divorce or anything like that, but the last couple of years we have really just gotten close. Spent time appreciating each other and finding things in common. I can't tell you how it feels when we're scuba diving and Jon takes time to make sure that my gear is all set up properly, that I will be safe during the dive. He helps me in the ocean, adjusting my fins and making sure we're at arm's reach, because he knows I am still nervous. He cheers me on when I step out of my comfort zone. And he checks on me every few minutes, giving me the "OK" sign underwater to make sure I am all right. Last weekend, we went on a night dive. In the dark. I was freaked out, but curious and brave.
Jon held my hand from the time we went under the water to the time we surfaced at the dive buoy. The entire time.
The house is different when he's gone. And even though we don't watch the same TV channels or like some of the same activities, I hate when he's not here. I hate it.
Yesterday the two older girls and I went to Ko Olina (Abby had a sleepover with friends). Alissa and I mostly stayed on the beach - we didn't feel like swimming - but Alex swam. And we looked for shells and walked the paths. We found the path from Lagoon #4 to the marina harbor. On the outside there was a rocky barrier between the path and the ocean. There were signs warning you of the danger, but we took the risk and walked out. We saw tide pools with small fish and crabs, shells, and even some sea sponges! It was beautiful and quiet, except for the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks. We watched the sunset and I marveled at our fortune, to be able to have this experience in the book of our life. I hope it's memories like these that my girls will remember and retrieve later in life. "Mom, remember when we walked those rocks at Ko Olina and Alex found a sea sponge?"
I sure do.
Thank you God, for that moment. It was a small moment, but most of the time those feel like the best moments.
Tomorrow starts a new week. The younger girls go back to school for their final grading period here in Hawaii. Jon comes home on Saturday. We're gonna find something to do here on Sunday (out of the house). And I will be grateful for every single day, because every day that I get to wake up is a good day.