OH--IO!!

Man, am I missing Ohio lately. I remember being homesick when we first moved to Germany. It didn't feel like this, though. This isn't homesickness, I don't think.

It's more like missing the people in Ohio that I love so much.

Today is a special day for my sister. She's having a baby shower. For her first baby. A baby she wanted so much, and tried for for a long time. He's almost here, and it's time to celebrate!

Everyone in the city's going to be there, it seems. My other sister, who is hosting, said that 60+ people will be there.

I'm sad to miss such a special, wonderful day in her life. I know that with 60 other people there, we wouldn't have gotten much of a chance to talk anyway. She's the center of attention today, as she should be, and everyone's eyes will be on her.

I just wanted so badly to be there. In the same room.

But, 3 kids in their first week back to school, a demanding job (with an uncertain future) and a husband at the whim of the Army prohibit a trip back to the Mainland right now. It just wasn't able to happen.

I am there in spirit. My heart is there. And can't wait to see the photos.

I miss those people. So much! (You can tell from my last 2 or 3 posts, can't you?)

Laurie, I love you so much. Have a wonderful day! We're with you there in spirit for sure, and I am certain that we'll see you sooner than we think. I can feel it.

Big hugs from Hawaii!

Back to School, Back to School...

Abby and Alex this morning

first day of 1st grade and 6th grade, respectively

The two youngest kids go back to school today. I know, I know, it isn't even August yet. Most kids are only halfway through their summer break.

For my children, it's different. Here in Hawaii, or at least on the side of the island that we live on, school is year-round. So my kids go 8 weeks on, 3 weeks off, with 2 weeks at Christmas and 5 weeks for summer.

It was weird at first, but now we've gotten used to it and everything's OK. It's sort of better this way. They barely have time to get restless here at home, and then school starts up again. It's easier to get back into a school and bedtime routine, because they didn't have 11 weeks to get that out of their system.

It doesn't make me miss them less, though.

Today, of course, I teared up a little when I dropped Abby off, and then again when I dropped Alex off. Alex started middle school today, a whole new world. I knew she was a little nervous, but today at breakfast she was as calm as a cucumber, and she walked calmly to her first class. I know she'll be fine, and find her friends right away, and get down to business.

But part of me aches that these kids are growing so fast.

I saw a commercial yesterday for Wal-mart. A mom was taking her freshman to college, and she helped her get her drab dorm room all spiced up with bedding and other items from Wal-mart. The mom (in narration) said something like, "I don't want to let her go, but I know I've given her everything she needs to get started..."

The mom meant she gave her items from Wal-mart, but I heard the hidden meaning, too. I said out loud, to no one in particular, "That'll be me in 3 years." Neither Jon or Alissa looked up to see what I was talking about. I have no idea how I will walk away and leave her, even if she's at our Alma Mater (yay!). And that's 3 years down the road. Heck, I can barely leave my 1st grader and walk away, when I know I'll see her again in 6 hours!

Yes, I am a baby. A mess. Worrying about things that are not important right now. But it's in the back of my mind every single day. Every day.

And now, with the new school year starting, time for college is even closer. Alissa is a 10th grader!! How can that be?

My heart is missing Ohio today. It stinks being so far from home. My sister's baby shower is this weekend, and I can't be there. Laurie, I sent you a gift to be opened at the shower. Please write me and let me know how you like it. Everyone else, I'll post a picture after the shower. I am so, so proud of this particular gift, but I don't want to spoil the surprise...

We're missing a lot, being in Hawaii. Yes, it's Hawaii and the weather is nice. But I know that life is moving on without us back home, and we can't come back for a long weekend like we could in Tennessee. When it's time to move, I'll be ready.

We won't know our future for another 6 months or so, but if we can move to anywhere on the mainland, it will make me happy. Truthfully, I don't care where the next duty station is anymore. As long as we're on the mainland, we'll be closer to home.

Home. "The place where I belong..." as sung by Chris Daughtry. I don't regret the life we've chosen, or the places we've been. But with new life entering the family, I feel further away from home than ever before.

I'll be home soon (for a visit), Ohio family and friends. 11 months and counting...

Happy Monday!

Random Thoughts...

Wow, it's been a month since my last post. Who said that summer is filled with "lazy days"? Certainly not someone who had a full-time job, 3 active kids, and a hubby who never seems to be around. The Army demands so much of his time lately.

So much has happened in the last month. Not big, big things. Just life.

We had visitors for 2 weeks in June. Jon's sister, her hubby and 2 teenage girls. (I'll keep their names private since I didn't ask permission to post about them...) I guess because we don't see them everyday, I was unprepared. These girls are so grown and beautiful! The oldest drives now, which is heart-wrenching for me. I first met her when she was around 8 months old. Man does time fly! They were a lot of fun to be around. Everyday we were busy! (We planned it that way - trying to fit in as much sightseeing/activity/etc. as possible...) I hope they had as much fun as we did.

I'll post some of the pictures later, in a slideshow. Blogger makes it a lot harder to post pictures than I'd like...

As well as time with the kids, I really feel that Jon's sister and I got some QT (quality-time) in, where we could. I thank her for that. Just little conversations here and there, but it's been a long time since we've been able to do that. Since I'm the oldest in my family, she is the closest to an older sister that I will ever have. She may not know (until she reads this) that I am so incredibly grateful for that. We shared stories with each other, and the kids. It was neat to hear her tell my children the story of how Jon and I spent a weekend in his hometown, after dating only 2 months or so. As we drove away, back to college, Jon's mom declared that we were going to spend our lives together, that I was the person Jon would choose to share his life. I've heard this story before, but for some reason it sounded so much more beautiful this time. And hearing it with my children gave it a whole new meaning.

After our guests left, we had a crazy fun July 4th bbq. Jon loves to throw a get-together, and he decided at the last minute to gather the neighbors and have everyone over that didn't already have plans. We probably had 35 people here. Alissa organized Bingo (with prizes from Target!), we had wine and great food, and Jon gave us a great fireworks show when the sun went down. It was a marvelous time with friends - our Hawaii 'Ohana. The only thing missing was Jay and Lucie. I hope they know, as their house still sits empty and untouched, that they are truly missed (physically).

July itself has just been full of life events - doctor/dentist appointments, Leadership Camp for Alissa, back-to-school preparations, and fitting in as much time together as we can.

Yesterday Jon and I took Alissa to the new Harry Potter movie. It was so sweet, the 3 of us. We haven't done that since 2002! It was a fun time, a superb movie, and great bonding with my oldest child. I'm so grateful for those moments, knowing that soon she ventures out on her own and I won't be able to see her as much as I'd like.

Work is still the same - this move looming over my head and consuming all my thoughts. (Long story short: my job, and those of my 40+ teammates, are moving to Iowa. If you choose not to move, you will most likely find yourself unemployed.) Obviously I cannot move without the Army's permission, at least not for another 5-7 years. So, I pray everyday for a positive outcome - hopefully a reprieve, somehow. I do like working for my employer so much, and I don't want it to end. I don't even care about raises, or job titles, or any of that. I care about career longevity and being able to continue to work from home. That means more to me than anything, to be able to work from home until Jon retires. I have never wanted anything more. (well, except for a happy, healthy, loving family, which I already have) I hope that God hears my prayers and helps me find the cloud's silver lining...

And lastly, it's time to start planning the next move. Seems to soon, yes? I agree. I can't believe 18 months have come and gone. But, it's time to decide. Do we leave early or stay longer? There are pros and cons to each. And everytime I think I have my mind made up, we reconsider the other option. It's the toughest decision we've had to face regarding a move. Usually the Army decides for us, and whatever they decide we just go with. But this time, with a high-schooler, and a Class President at that, we have more to consider than in moves past. For the first time, Alissa's position in life really takes a big precedence in what we decide. We've known that since 2007, that we'd have to make a decision one way or the other. But who knew the decision would be this hard? I pray everyday for God's assistance with this one, because there are so many factors - will I get to stay employed with my current employer? Will Jon be promoted next year as we hope and expect? Will Alissa want to try for Class President again next year? My employment plays a huge factor. I pray that it works out in our favor, no matter whether we decide to move or stay. Staying employed with them is in my prayers everyday.

If we move, we'll be looking to move in about 11 months. Seems so crazy to hear those words out loud. I mean, we move on average every 2 1/2 to 3 years, so this shouldn't be a shock, but since the kids are older, this potential move will be hard. In addition, we have met some amazing people here. I mean people who I hope will be in our lives forever, even though we'll never be neighbors again, and maybe never even live in the same part of the country! I believe that our Hawaii experience has been exponentially greater because we met these families and opened our homes and hearts to them. It's made our time in Hawaii that much more wonderful, and that much more special.

So, hopefully as the kids get back into school (next week!!!), I will be able to get back to more regular posting. I fully intend to get back to it. It's therapeutic for me, and a great reminder of our adventures over the last year and a half.

Happy Monday!

Happy Birthday Abby!

Abby on the first day of Kindergarten, 7/24/08

Happy, Happy Birthday to my beautiful Abby. She turned 6 yesterday. I can't believe it, my baby is 6! (This post is a day late because we had visitors arrive from the Mainland and after settling them in and having birthday cake, it was bedtime...)

Just yesterday she was a smiling baby, a precocious toddler, an amazingly smart pre-schooler, and now she's preparing to enter the first grade. Where do the years go?

Abby is a child that we never expected to have (although I thank God everyday for bringing her to us). They say that military families who spend time in Germany come home with either (1) a cuckoo clock, (2) a schrank - a big wall unit like an entertainment center, or (3) a baby. In 2001, we came home from Germany with #1, so we assumed we were done expanding the family.

Then September 11 happened. We lived in Ohio, not near a military community, but Jon's job with the Army Reserves got busier and busier. As he assisted units to prepare for deployment to Iraq and Afganistan, he was taken away from home more and more, for longer and longer stretches of time.

In September 2002, he came home for literally one night between units. And that night we were blessed with Abby.

Abby is a remarkable child. Like our other 2, she is kind, compassionate, funny, smart, and beautiful.

She is also the "baby". The last child to enter the family.

We still cuddle every day, and I am thankful for the moments that she climbs onto my lap and hugs me tight. Because, I've seen with her sisters that children grow up. And, though they still love you fiercely, the days of snuggling change to hugs, smiles, and text messages. I am grateful that she is still small enough to be carried to bed, and put up on my shoulders as we navigate the mall or climb DiamondHead crater.

Someday she too will be a teenager, with her own agenda and no time for snuggling.

For now she is my cuddle partner. Lucky for me, she will always be my baby, my Abby.

I love you, Abby. You have completed the family, and I am so blessed to be your mom.

It's June, and that means vacation!

OK, so I am up late. Really, really late. I am waiting for a work process to finish (and I don't think it's going to end well.) So, while my other computer tries to do what it needs to do, I thought I would post an entry.

Not much going on at Casa Heffner lately. I have been working a crapload of overtime. Seventeen hours last week and seven already this week. It is draining. Mentally, physically, psychologically. I'm not as young as I'd like to think I am, and it's tough staying up all night, staring at a computer screen and/or listening to a conference call. My workday started at 4 am yesterday (well, still today for me), and I'm still tied to the computer.

Don't get me wrong. I really like my job. I am just nearing the stages of burnout. We used to have 5 people on the team. Now we're down to 3 (not by our choice), and we've all basically doubled our workload.

On top of that, my company is reorganizing and that means big, big changes. To protect myself, and not say more than I should, I'll just leave it at that. For now. Just say a prayer. I like my job, and don't want it to change.

On the homefront, Jon is home. It's a blessing. I miss him when he's away. And he's away a LOT. Abby's 6th birthday is in a week. The teacher stopped me today to tell me that Abby wrote in her daily journal about her dance recital last month and that she was nervous but loves ballet. My baby wrote that! The teacher said she had goose bumps from Abby's entry. These kids are so smart, and they're growing right before my eyes. Alex graduates from 5th grade, and officially becomes a middle-schooler in 2 weeks. What happened? These kids were just babies, and now they are independent, strong, confident children. And Alissa, well, she is a typical teenager on summer break - bored, sleeps til noon, and breathtaking. She is funny and smart and so pretty. These girls are my everything. They are why I slave away at a job that doesn't appreciate me. They are why I do my best everyday, to be a good wife, mom, and a good Tiffany.

Jon said in passing at a graduation party this weekend - "This will be us in 3 years." Can it be? We'll have a high school graduate in 3 years. And a new Bobcat in the family. I am secretly thrilled that ALissa wants to go to Ohio U. It is one of my favorite places in the world, and the idea that she might go there and make her own memories has me bursting with pride.

Well, the process on my other computer finished, but not as I hoped. (I feared that.) Better get to bed because I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be paged at 4:00 am for the 3rd day in a row. (4:00 am is less than 4 hours away from right now.)

Thank goodness I have some time off coming soon. I need a nice, long nap!

Talk to you all soon.

They've moved on...

So, you remember that I posted a while back that some dear friends of ours received orders to move off-island? Some of you guessed who it was, and you were right.

Well, this past Saturday Jay and Lucie moved back to Canada. (For Jay: CA-NA-...)

It wasn't as hard that day as I expected. I expected a lot of waterworks. I think that I held in my emotions, for fear of a complete mental breakdown. I didn't cry that day.

But, since then, as I drive by their empty house several times a day, and see the open shades and darkness (because I know the house is empty, and they're not coming back), I am flooded with emotion. I miss them. I miss knowing they are down the street, ready for a barbecue, a laugh, a movie, an '80s Night.

No more knocks on the door, no more calls from My Imperial Leader down the street. Instead, the calls will be coming from across the ocean.

Moving sucks. It's hard, stressful, complicated, unknown, and very discombobulated.

But it sucks more when you are the one(s) left behind.

I know that Jay and Lucie will always be in our lives, and in our hearts. I have no doubt that we will see them in person again.

But not for a long time.

Jay and Lucie, in case there's any doubt: The Heffners love you very much. We miss you already. You will ALWAYS have a place in my heart. Saturday was not goodbye. It was "Until next time..."

Your Paiaha Ohana misses you.

Saying Goodbye to a Beloved Friend...

Our dog, Nugget, died this weekend at the age of nearly 13...

We got Nugget from a pet store in Elizabethtown, Kentucky, in 1996. (Back then, the pet stores in KY sold pets that weren't full-breeds. He was from a litter from a local family dog.) He was supposed to be Alissa's dog - a gift for her 2nd birthday. That day in the pet store, she chose him, and he also chose her.

But, he was everyone's dog. Not just mine, Jon's, Alissa's (and later her sisters') - everyone's.

Though he's lived with Grandma and Grandpa for the last few years, we still always considered him our dog, too. The Army makes us move so frequently, and we never know if the place we live (Army housing, rentals, etc) will let us have a pet(s), so Nugget spent probably half his life at my mom and dad's house.

We were lucky. My parents are the epitome of "animal lovers". They treated him like he deserved to be treated - like a member of their family. My dad faithfully walked him everyday, and they gave him table food and let him lick their dinner plates clean (even though that's probably not recommended by their veterinarian.) He slept in bed with my mom every night and, when he couldn't get up onto the bed, she was always there to lift him up.

Nugget always remembered us when we were visiting. He wagged his tail and laid near Jon or me. He let us love him like no time had passed since we'd last seen him. I choose to believe that he always loved us and somehow understood that we didn't abandon him. Instead, we gave him a second family to love and care for him when we couldn't.

When my mom told me on Saturday that he'd lost his long battle with illness, I'd already known it would be coming soon. But, it still hurt like hell. I cried and cried.

He was loved by so many. Somewhere in doggie heaven I hope he knows that, no matter where he was (with us or with Grandma), we loved him and were so proud to have such a great dog in our family.

He was a special dog and he will be dearly missed. We love you, Nugget!